‘Less than Zero’ by Bret Eastern Ellis begins with the line,
‘People are afraid to merge on the freeway in Los Angeles.’ The people of LA
need to come and drive around Chiang Mai, as Thai drivers have the opposite
problem. They drive with no fear at all.
They will pull out into oncoming traffic, change lanes
without signalling, pull in far too closely after overtaking, and ignore road
signs. You will see 3 people on a bike
at once. You will see babies sitting on the laps of their parents, or kids
standing between the driver’s legs.
Getting about on a scooter in Koh Lanta was fine – there’s
not enough traffic to worry about. In Chiang Mai, it’s a different story. Our
accommodation is so remote, though, there’s no other choice. The bigger roads
here are basically split into 3 ‘lanes’ of traffic and a hard shoulder. Drivers
use all lanes, for all purposes. As massive articulated lorries thunder past us
on our tiny bike, I squeeze my eyes shut, and say my Fight Club mantra, ‘slide,
slide, slide.’
Today we took a trip to the Makro. This is a completely
bewildering experience. Vegetable buying is ridiculously complicated. Most
things are labelled in English, but some packet things are barcoded, and other
packet things you need to take to a man at a counter to weigh.
Makro is a bit like Costco, so it’s a place you go to bulk
buy. You cannot buy one bottle of soy or chilli sauce, you have to buy six. Loo
roll comes in minimum packets of 8. Also we have no way of telling how much our
shop should have cost, and after going through the till, we wonder if we have
been ripped off.
As an aside, when it comes to money and change handling,
most small shops don’t carry penny change. Today our breakfast change was 1
baht short because she obviously didn’t have a coin in the till. Most of the
time, they will round up, and you get more change back than you are owed. It
largely seems to depend on who is serving you.
The bike parking area is guarded and you’re handed a yellow
ticket. You can’t take large bags into the store, so our backpacks and canvas
shopping bags are confiscated (you get them back when you leave) it is rather
galling to see a sign that says Makro are not responsible for the theft of the
bag they have taken from you (which they then leave on a chair for anyone to
come along and help themselves to.)
On your way out, another guard asks to see your receipt. I
am assuming we were asked, because we had packed all our shopping up into our
backpacks.
The amount of packaging and plastic bags and bottles used
here is astounding. You buy a banana
from the 7/11 and it comes in its own little plastic bag. ‘But bananas have
their own packaging!’ you think. Even
compared to the UK, where wasteful packaging is the norm, it seems excessive.
Things I have learned about Thailand so far:
1)
Don’t get a fringe cut right before you come
here. You’ll only have to pin it back, or risk looking like Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary.
*(source, IMDB)
1)
It’s boiling, boiling hot in the South. Take a
few easy-wash clothes you can hand wash before going to bed and hang up.
They’ll dry by the morning. You’ll fast run out of knickers and end up wearing
bikini bottoms every day because it’s easier.
2)
Up in Chiang Mai, the morning and evening
temperatures are more like ‘decent English summers day’. You’ll need a jumper,
and you’ll almost certainly want PJs at night.
3)
Your feet will become so ingrained with dirt, it
will make everything else your bare feet touch dirty.
4)
A beep from a horn indicates an overtaking, not
an admonishment
5)
When the ladies say ‘kaaaa!’ (thank you) it can
sound really sarky. It’s not intended to – this the tone that indicates
respect.
6)
There’s no decent water pressure, anywhere.
7)
Any food from 7/11 will contain a weird colour /
random flavour / inexplicable vitamin additions.
8)
You get really sick of Thai beer after a while,
and crave a nice ale, or a cold glass of South African wine.
